~ Intimacy Extended

Yesterday in “Intimacy Etc” I wrote that the real meaning of intimacy is found in our relating to God and was demonstrated in words like “caring, sharing, and loving”.  Today I feel lead to explore the “how to” of intimacy and the difference to the love we are meant to share.

There is one primary, and major, difference which is that intimacy is a choice while love is an expectation.  Both come from Father but the Biblical expectation is that we are to love the unlovable Jesus tells us this in Matthew 5:43-45.

“You have heard that it was said, You must love your neighbour and hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who harass you  so that you will be acting as children of your Father who is in heaven. He makes the sun rise on both the evil and the good and sends rain on both the righteous and the unrighteous.

We need to be aware that we become vulnerable when we choose intimacy.  By sharing we are placing our lives, at least part of it, in the hands of another who may not honour our sharing.  Even more, when we care for someone we need to be on our guard because that caring may be abused.  Many people have found that some, when given an inch they take a mile.  We can be hurt when these sorts of things happen but it need not.

We are to apply wisdom in our relationships.  If we share some personal information with someone and that becomes public property then we have chosen our friend unwisely.  It is best to develop a relationship from friend in small increments; if the friend honours our trust then we have the confidence to share even more personal confidences.

In like manner we can be sure of our caring for the less fortunate by taking small trust steps.  If a stranger needs a ride is it better to take them or to give them the keys to your car?  The answer is obvious we assist them as we can but after the relationship has developed into a friendship then we may feel more confident with handing over the keys to the car.

Our own human nature tends to set time as the arbiter of trustworthiness we give to even family often.  It isn’t just a matter of trust, we learn incrementally so we learn about our family members strengths and weaknesses in the same way we find out how far people outside that family unit can be trusted.

Of course as the Bible tells us there is a difference between God and mankind which is that God cannot lie.  This makes Him inherently trustworthy and safe to take all our confidences to.