~ Messing In My Head

It has been some time since I attempted to string 500 words together in a cogent fashion.  In a way this is an attempt to re-stoke the vision that I received about three or four years ago which was to write for the Master. 

When I was given that vision we had a bit of a debate about my ability to daily do a blog of words.  But He settled the argument by being there for me every day and even providing the theme for the day.  It was very much like the prophets of the Old Testament where He gave them utterance as His spokesperson.

The strange thing was that over time it seemed that I was developing themes of my own back, which became a source of self-satisfaction.  God was leaving it up to me, or was He.  In a very real sense this became a spiritual attack that I failed to recognize; I was developing a feeling of pride about my work.  Before long I started looking at the number of times you read my words and forgot that there was a reason for them which started out as pointing back to God.

It followed on from this that the thought took hold that “perhaps the vision was for a limited time and that it was passed since God didn’t seem to be delivering as He promised”.  In all of this there was no reference to the Master to identify what His position was in all of it.

I have to identify that it is possible that the time of writing has passed, but whether this is as a result of allowing my head to be messed up; or allowing pride to enter the scenario I do not know.  What I can say quite categorically is that it seems to be very easy to be waylaid, if we are not on our metal.  This applies at any stage of life or even at any stage of the development of any ministerial momentum.

I did see this process as a ministry right from the beginning in fact the argument we had, God and I, was two sided.  One the one side was the issue of letting Him down by not being as capable of producing the blog and the other issue was uncertainty as to whether I was just making a fool of myself when the words inevitably dried up.

The built in weakness of the two issues was just what happened.  Whether I stopped or whether the job was done in its time, I still don’t know.  I guess the only way is to resume the daily scribble and see If it can be restarted. 

The lessons that I have learnt over this period have been available for any situation.  We all can talk ourselves out of the call of the Master, at the commencement and at any point thereafter.  In fact the ease with which we can do this is often scary.  It is built in with us that the enemy can create scenarios to put up roadblocks that are eminently reasonable and we can say “who am I to think I am capable of entering into this work”, and in so doing we pull back from God’s best for our life.

Master if I broke faith I am sorry and am prepared to resume the load on Your terms. Strengthen my faith and commitment to the vision You gave me, keep me inspired daily for that is what seems to have gone astray with my last two attempts to get it going again.