I recently read an article which claimed that the
average for a relationship breakdown was 2 years and 9 months. This rather pulled me up to a stop mainly
because it seemed so out of proportion to any reality that I was accustomed to.
When I thought about it a little maybe it isn't so
out of whack. If the statement is about
the failure of relationship to mature then, there are a multiplicity of factors
that can create an environment that becomes “toxic” within that period
We all marvel at the couples who stay together for
a lifetime, the 80 year old husbands and wife who have been married for 60
years. And they are standing out like a
couple of reeds swaying together against all the pressures of life. While the media tend to trivialize this
achievement by asking what their secret to a long marriage is there is always
more than the glib answer.
Time as a measure of a successful marriage is only
one measure, possibly the most important but still it is only one measure. Into that relationship goes history,
investment, and any number of reasons that two people choose to stay together
against the buffeting of every destructive force that they may encounter.
When two people chose to become married they need
to have more than just love to see them over the travail of a new commitment. For there never was a “Perfect Match” yours
may be the closest thing to it but if truth is told perfect matches are usually
used to strike up a fire.
We rub up against each other and even with the best
of intentions, inevitably, there is that moment in which hurt is experienced
from our partner. This is a moment when
we must decide how we are going to deal with it and having done so go on with
our lives together.
The long term relationships will usually have built
into them a forgiveness factor built into their everyday relating, often
without realizing it, and it is not an indication of marital health if the one
partner is always forgiving while the other partner is always apologizing. There is a mutuality in the relationship that
acknowledges that each partner has their fair share of meeting their partner’s
failings.
There is another factor that is needed for a
successful marriage which is there is a mutual investment in the
relationship. Without this there is no
development of the “us” part of the couple, and inevitably, one or the other
will lose the desire to be a part of this couple.
This is really only my musing on the subject. However it seemed to be important enough to
get me out of bed to type it.
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