Words an Obstacle to Marriage Success

I am “batching” again, at least I think I am.  The love of my life went off to music practise tonight and, at this stage has not returned. 

The strange part about this is that while we had words yesterday afternoon (it is now 4AM) I do not feel alone.  Of course that is not what I am writing about at the moment but it is a side aspect of the relationship we have with the Master that He is with us through all our dramas.

The subject, or is that object, of my musing is the effect that words have on a marriage, any marriage.  Without realizing it in many a situation we can place a slant on the words that we use that can create an under wash of emotion in the way our spouse perception what we are saying. 

Unintended or not this thoughtless use of words pushes us toward the slippery teeter point in our relationship.  Where this breakpoint in our marriages is, often is unseen by both spouse and inevitably is also coloured by our own understanding of what is said.  We may deem what we have said as innocuous compared to the raging shards of kindling that our partner rains down on us; but it is in that sort of point scoring that the damage is most done.

We need to remember that though we, in our marriage vows became “man and wife”, as a united entity.  We have not, at any stage become united “at the hip”.  There will always be individual differences between the players in any marriage.  And these differences are what places any relationship at the point of flounder when, we do not choose our words wisely, or surrender to the emotional responses that we all know we are capable of in less inflamed moments.

Divorce may be the epidemic of marriage but that is only because we do not treat each other with love and kindness.  Words, especially the ill thought or treated words can often be the single most destructive effect on a marriage in decline. 

I feel that the rash word, or interpretation of that word, causes the Master to cringe as He hears it.  Because He knows the power of the tongue to cut or let loose on any relationship.  We need to do anything that can repair the damage of an ill placed word just as we need to treat our better halves kindly and with love aforethought.

Paul had a handle on these things when he wrote the “charity” chapter in 1 Corinthians love is the motivation we are to attain to in our personal dealings, and not just in a marriage but in all relationships.  But in the arena of our marriages this is of paramount importance because this is the most public testimony of a Christian couple, and conversely a failure in the perceptions of others then we hit the point of separation; they see our failures as clearly as being a limitation of God’s power.

The point about words in a marriage is that we are dealing with each other constantly and without intending to we inevitably let the sting of words mount up, sometimes as a personal insult, and not speaking can be just as devastating as word not used wisely. 

Let the words that we use be used to lift the others up and support the marriage instrument.  Let us care for others so that we can see where there is hurt.  And let us work to salve the pains inside our relationship, as a notion of commitment in the Master’s picture for us.